did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
