im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I stole a fireplace last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
