my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Less talking, more tequila
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
