I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
