Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
