ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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