Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
