i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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