i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
