so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just google imaged poop.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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