so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
