Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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