please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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