I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
