I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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