So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
