I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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