You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
