I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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