yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
