someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
