You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
