I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
