Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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