A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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