I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
