So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
