just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
