Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
