If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
