mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
