The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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