Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
