Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
