He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
