Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
