Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
