you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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