Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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