Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
