I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
