I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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