I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
