I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
