After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
