Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
