i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
