I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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