Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
