I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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