Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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