??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
