Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
