I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
