Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
